6am: caleb and i will usually go back to sleep side by side after the morning feed but this morning he didn't go back to zzz... he stay awake and watch me as i prep to work, maybe he sense the difference this morning.

7.30am: loaded caleb and stuff in the car and going to my mum's place. he held my finger tight as he fell asleep in the car... i was missing him already...

8am: caleb left w my mum and gab sent me to work. i kept my mind off caleb so that the tears will stop. i told myself to kept every min occupied so that 5.30pm will come faster...

10am (now):finish clearing my emails and is waiting for things to do, fighting to not think of caleb and i think penning down my feelings here may help. better not tear in case my collegues see.

Countdown to end of 3 months leave

I am counting down the last few hours of my maternity leave. 2 months and 3 weeks flew past me and I am going back to work tomorrow. I have been having very mixed feelings for the past few days. On sat night, I was having first-day-of-school feeling, it comes with slight excitement to meet my collegues again and to start my new role in my job. On sun night (yesterday night), I was feeling really sad. I suddenly had the miss-caleb-very-much feeling, it is like a heart aching feeling which comes when gabriel goes on biz trip.

Looking back at the past 2 months and 3 weeks, I think I had almost completed what I wanted to do. I had experienced what a full-time mother + housewife is like. With no help after my confinement, I managed to handle caleb + housework + cooking. The experience was very good, though I wouldn't say I want to do this for a longer period. It is satisfying when you have clean floors, empty laundry bag, ironed clothes, and neat wardrobes + a delicious meal laid out for your husband when he returns home. I am pretty much as satisfied when I am working. I do sometimes wonder if I can stay at home full time. The only and biggest difference is the social part. I feel the lack of communication when I stay at home. I am just a task completor (if there's such a word). The whole social part of my life went missing and that's probably the greatest reason why I still belong to the working community.

Back to Caleb... Caleb had started responding to us from abt 3weeks ago, just before he hit 2 months. He smile and giggles and 'talk' back when we talk to him. He is especially responsive in the morning at abt 8-9am. Caleb also enjoy bathtime and playtime more. He loves his daily playtime on the play gym after his lunch feed before he takes his long 2hr nap. He has also started to sleep for 8 hrs at night before he reaches 2 month and so Gab and I have our free time after he goes to bed at 10pm. =)

playtime

I am also experience in bringing Caleb to shopping after the disaestrous shopping trip. He enjoys having his afternoon nap in aircon shopping mall while I do my shopping, just dun step into shops that play techno or rock music, else he will be so irritated that he will scream and cry.

Caleb also experience his first pool session. It is like a 10 min feet washing session, he is not very comfortable the cold pool water so we decided to take it slowly. Gotto do it again and again, daddy n mummy love to swim so caleb got to learn to love the sport too...

I guess all these happen because I kept telling myself not to give up at 1 bad experience. Anyway, having a son is a totally new thing to me so if I fail today, I can always try tomorrow.

Some memorable events...

Huang Teng & Li Kiang's ROM- S11 class photo w partners

Happy 26th Birthday Candy!!! (Aunty Lindy is not carrying caleb properly)

we brought caleb for a dip in the pool, he was whinning as it was the first time he touches cold water, mayb not so memorable for him...

adventure in orchard

yesterday was an adventurous day when i decided to go shopping with caleb... in orchard!!! the adventure started with rainy weather in orchard, there is no way I can move around with the pram above ground so it is underpass all the way. if u think that doesnt sound bad, u are wrong, those who shop in orchard frequently, you will know the number of stairs we have to use to move from 1 place to another... so super no baby friendly...i also forget to bring the very very important silencing tool - pacifier. so i end up shopping with a crying baby.

thank God rachel was with me and she help to carry caleb while i try on the clothes.



so 1st attempt at orchard is not that successful...



oh... tangs nursing room is super cool. it is like you have your own private area, a comfortable armchair to nurse your baby. they even provide steriliser and hot water. i give it 5 stars!!!



some new photos

full month party at royal park hotel

caleb in sunglasses

May Day holiday - Family day

The first PH with my baby. Instead of spending the day at shoppping mall or hanging out with friends like every other PH, this day is spent as a family day. (i guess that's how it is when u have a family)

We had fun playing w Caleb (or rather playing him cos he still dun know how to play... heehee) and catching naps/ tv-ing while he is asleep.

playtimegab trying to make him smile

managed to catch him smile *_*

he is getting impatient...

yawnzzz

his classic 'chicken little' look... nvr fail to make me laugh

Since my last blog, many had sent encouraging sms or msn asking how i am? Thanks for your lovessss... I am doing much better now. I am getting used to all this mother thing. I even have time to sneak out for a drink w friends, update my facebook, plan for the 1st month party, read etc etc.

As my confinement ends, more challenges will be ahead. I will have to cope w being alone at home w Caleb, handling household chores, going out w him, going back to church and cell w him... so much more for me to learn...

oh yah... i must also start my exercise routine!!! ok ok... i better take 1 step at a time

Happy 1 week old, Caleb!!

Caleb is 1 week old!!!

Caleb Tham Kai Le, born on 15th April 2009, 3:50pm, weigh 3.44kg. He took his first breath after 14hrs in the labour ward (actual labour is abt 10hrs). Yes, I used ephidural after being in immerse pain for 5 hours. After that jab, I could sleep thru all the contractions.

Here are some of the pictures...

"i am 3.44kg!!"

baby and me first peep (w 1 eye)

first family picture

cell photo- new member of Ignite

Daddy and Caleb first outing

My life is changed since Caleb's first cry. All other activities ceased or take the lowest priority except feeding Caleb, changing Caleb's diapers, sterilising Caleb's bottle...My mind is just filled w "When did Caleb last eat?", "When's the next feed?", "Is 50 ml enough?". Trust me, being a mother is really tough...

I had never felt so helpless and upset before. My heart had never been broken so many times in my whole 29 yrs of life. Each time he cry and cry until his voice turn hoarse, my heart breaks, yet I was determined not to run to him at the very first sec he cries. I kept asking myself why does my baby cry so much? what's wrong? Did I mishandled him? Am I not giving him enough milk? But yet all these questions has no answer cos Caleb cannot response to me. It is like a broken communication where my pleas for him to stop crying is turn to deaf ear (by his deafening cries).

Then it is all the people around me, who sincerely cared for me and Caleb. I know all the good intentions and I seriously believe they love me and him. But each time he cry, before I can evaluate and think what I should do, thousands of suggestions are thrown at my direction and many of which contradicts. Well, they are my seniors so it makes it harder to ignore their suggestions.

Alas! I can't hold my emotions anymore and broke down 3 times. I need to let my emotion run so my tears run and flow like nigara falls (only in front of Gab). Thank God for a supportive husband. With 1 hand carrying a crying baby, trying to coax him, and the other hugging me, trying to coax me, it is tough being a father as well. He is calm and patient. He read up and help me understand that situation which I failed to see clearly. Together, we pray and think of different strategies to find out Caleb's needs...

Well, it is still tough... but I know I am more in control now. My mind is clearer when he cry and I am not as panicky. As Gab says, Caleb is less than a week old, everything takes time. We need time to adjust to him and so does he. He is also trying to get used to being out of my womb. I now look at this month of confinement as a month of getting to know someone new and also allowing him to know me. I look forward to achieving a non-vebal understanding between Caleb and myself.

A big thanks to all those who have shown concern and pray for me during my pregnancy. Pray for me even more for now, my friends. This is the beginning of my training to becoming a mother.

A new phase of life - coming soon

I am approaching my final 2 weeks of pregnancy. Praise God for watching over me these 9 months. Over the last 2 weeks, my stomach grow in an incredible speed, telling me that Caleb is really getting too big for my small body and is waiting to come into this world. I have also slowly (and truly) being to feel like a mother as I prepare his room, wash his clothes (they are so tiny and cute, and they smell really good), put up his toys. I begin to understand why my mum took so much effort in doing some things for us when we were still young. Like I could never understand why she must keep the house so clean and wash the clothes so thoroughly, leaving no time for herself to rest. I found myself doing the same thing, ensuring every toy is carefully wiped with sterilised solution, every piece of clothing is washed cleaned. Even when my feet is already swollen to almost twice their size now and I walk around like a duck, I will still be cleaning Caleb's cupboard, bed and many other things. I know we all inherit this from our Father in Heaven, who will never rest and ensure the best for His children.

Matthew 7:9-11

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

my collegue, Envi, just gave birth last week. The joy on her face tells me that her 10hrs of labour pain was all worth it. Even when she was talking to us, her eyes never fails to turn to her sleeping daughter every 5 mins (maybe even more frequent).

Envi's daughter, Caydence

I hope the next time I will be posting Caleb's pictures. Keep me in your prayers as I go into my 40th week.

This is the 35th week. 5 more weeks and we will all get to see caleb. It is pretty exciting as days approaches. The most common question people ask lately is "Are you scared?". My answer "No la..." But truly, the natural part of me is of course scare, scare of pain, scare of prolong delivery time. Well, if these comes naturally, what help does it bring if I do say I am scare. I chose to face it bravely. thinking abt it will not make it less painful (if pain is meant to be). Looking at the possiblity that I can have a painless childbrith brings more excitement as days goes by.

Dun get me wrong, it is not like i m in denial. it is just too common to know the diffcult part of childbirth, dun u think TV program, books and friends' testimony have given us enough solid evidence that childbirth is painful, so i think i need not dwell into this further to reinforce the fact that women have been facing this over centuries. Looking at the other side of the fence, there have been more and more positive testimonies from people as well who did not face pain or any difficulties in childbirth. I am listening to the positive testimonies of people to have experience childbirth differently from the "common" ones. Maybe painless and fearless childbirth is really common but just that human always like to look at the negative things.

Well, seriously, this is my first time, so i am really inexperience to comment further. My answer will continue be "no la, no scare la..." anyway, my mind is just my cute cute boy who is kicking me every 2 hours. and i really thank God for keeping me, watching me these 35 weeks. Thanks my dearest Father in Heaven for this gift so that I know how you feel as Father.

I had wanted to share this some time ago… it is until today that I have time to pen down this testimony.
There was a tiny piece of flesh that hangs near my upper arm for a long long time and though it was tiny, it didn’t look good whenever I wore sleeveless tops. I absolutely hated it and wanted to have it removed for sometime but didn’t have a chance to do it.

On my 20th week of my pregnancy, I had some virus infection and was on antibiotics for 2 weeks. My gynae told me the antibiotics should remove the virus and she would check again later in my pregnancy stage. I was telling myself that I believe the virus is already gone. Well, maybe I did have a little doubt in my mind so God spoke to me one morning…

…I was bathing and praying for complete healing of the virus that morning. A thought (which I believe it was from God) came to me. “Wendy, why not you lay hands on the flesh that you always wanted to remove and pray that it will fall off today. I will show you that if I can remove this small little flesh, I can remove the virus from your body.”
Even though I have prayed for healing on myself several times before but not once have I ever prayed like how I prayed after I heard God spoken to me. I laid my hand on the flesh and commanded it to come off in the name of Jesus. The command was full of authority (which I never felt so strongly before). It was determined and strong.
Nothing happen in the next few minutes, but I begin to thank God that healing is taking place and He has begin to do His work. Still nothing happen as yet…

That very evening after I came home, I check on the flesh again and realized it had turn black and sort of enlarge a little…(I was a little scared… haha). I gently touched it and give it a tuck and it came off!!!! Praise God

So here's my testimony. No problem is too big for my God, no sickness is too serious that He cannot heal.

some pictures to share

dun mistaken... this is not my boy. my collegue, khim has given birth to this cute boy yesterday. i am so excited for her. it is like watching her baby growing in her tummy and then now in real person... what a joy to see a new born... see, he is sleeping so peacefully. despite our disturbs, he refuse to wake up.





as i was downloading picture, i saw this one taken some time ago so decided to post it as well. we were at island creamary one sunday... after eating 4 scoops of ice-cream, the guys felt unsatisfied and go for 1 full tub... i forgot they are boys, shouldnt have even started off the the 4 scoops... in the end, i feel like puking...

me not in pic (dun think i will load the photo for your viewing if i am in)

God's blessing - Caleb

it is so amazing to watch a baby's growth every month thru the ultrasound scan and it is so exciting too preparing for the arrival of the baby. It just remind me of the arrival of baby Jesus the many many years ago. If the arrival of a ordinary child can bring so much joy to the parents' heart, how much more joy there could be on the arrival of a special child. no wonder we sing Joy to the World, because it is indeed a joy, joy to the family to receive a new born in the house, and joy to the world when a child is born for the world.

Gabriel and I decided on Caleb (you can check out the name from the bible in Numbers). Caleb and Joshua were the 2 out of the 12 who came back with good report of the promise land. Caleb, becos he had a different spirit, could see the goodness of the land and so enter the land that God had promised to the Israelites. =)

I am now searching for Chinese names. It is so exciting. =) keep you all updated soon....

i am feeling exhausted today... my body just doesn't feel right or in tune...my mind is drifting in and out of different tots all the time. i can't concentrate. my heart is exhausted today, so exhausted that i dun feel like feeling happy or sad or angry. is it the emotional roller coaster people talk abt that i m facing today?

i think i have tried my best, but mayb it is not-so best or not best enough. sometimes i also think so... i ask myself " are u sure this is the best? you mean u cant do better?" so did i actually do my best? i always look at the good things to keep me going but i cant ignore the bad things happening now...

if i give up now... ok, i dun even want to think abt that... not right to give up... if God didnt even give up on me the many times i think He would...

i m in such random tots. i m tired. i want to take a break tomorrow but it is such a packed day. mayb i shld have all my meeting packed in the morning and then take a half day break.

i feel so useless at times. i m timid at nature i guess, low risk taker. "Be bold!" says the Lord. I hope to be bolder. I hope to be able to step into the lion's den, to go into the burning furnace, to face Goliath. God, help me....

thanks for all your blessings

one more year has passed. another 23rd sep.
as the years go on, there is no much to celebrate...
i had dinner w cell grp, dinner with family and dinner with my few best friends...
it is a nice cosy thing now, not the ra-ra birthdays that used to be...
i receive my birthday present from JP today, a top for the big tummy me... thanks candy!!!
got a watch from my mum, another top from pat...

baby is 4.5cm in length. it is so exciting to see baby again... it is like the most exciting thing thru the weekend, waiting to see him/her on Monday... thru a blur image...
i guess that's how it is being a mum and dad (for gab), u just hope u can scan everything u want to so that u can take a glimpse of baby....

i am feeling less tired lately though occasionally u will literally want to sleep on the spot, no matter where u are...my mouth got weird taste all the time...

gab says he never buy anything for me, but i think he gave me all the love and care and concern thru these 2 months... no money can buy... and actually he buy me some bottoms which cause a bomb....

God's word to me this week and I stand in awe of Him

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalms 139: 13-14

I am so glad Gabriel will be back tomorrow night! Really miss him.

greetings from Houston. it is 2.30am now. not that i can't get to sleep but rather i just woke up from my power nap... the time difference and the 20hrs flight took a toll on my body so, though i wanted to keep myself awake to adjust to houston timing, my body decided otherwise and i went to bed at 7pm!!! So now i am wide awake.
i didnt eat much as well and i am super hungry when i wake up. forgetting all the diet i am in, i soak my cup noodle with not-so-boiling hot water and now i am enjoying my cup noodle while blogging. thank God for cup noodles!!!!!
i went shopping at kathy mills outlet. every shop is on sale today. fall sale. but i was so so tired that i didnt want to try on clothes. (lin, i ended up buying clothes for u...)
oh and i am staying in homewood suite, the rooms here are huge!!!! the rooms are all suites (i think that's why call homewood suites). i am actually sitting in the living room now and there is a small kitchen. then there is a mircowave oven, stove, a big fridge and a dish washer (which i dun know how to use), i have a huge bed with 6 pillows and there are 2 tv in this suite... i wish i havemy camera to take a picture to show u how big it really is... but then again, why would 1 person need such a big place... just make me feel more alone...

great! it is 3am now. and if the sleeping spell dun hit me now. i am going to zzzz thru tomorrow meeting esp the post lunch slot... i have finished my cup noodle... like not enuff le... feel like having 1 more =P. i also bought mac cheese, just put into mircowave... aiya how... very hungry le... think i better go sleep now...

i m like a glass of champagne

it has been a long time since i felt so excited... and that's why i feel like a glass of champagne. the excitement is like bubbling inside me... it is really hard to describe. i m approaching the 40 days of purpose campaign in good light. i so believe i will grow thru it. i am believing my cell will grow together thru this. i am believing that my church will grow thru this.

at first, i tell myself not to get too excited, in case it is not as happening as it sounds to be. But God reminded of the lessons I've learnt in the beginning of the year on faith.
Heb 12: 1 (NKJV) "faith is a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" and NLT quote it as " faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance of things we do not see" what i hope and want to see happen, i must first put faith in that it will happen. and most imptly put faith not in man (the planning comm) but in God.
Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (this verse came to me 2 times last week, like God reminding me again and again it is not our plans but His will be done)

i m drinking bubble tea again. Bubble tea is really addictive and also very fattening.
Some days, I drink it daily and I think it contributes to the weight gain!!!!
soon my face will look like the 'pearls' in the bubble tea...
Sorry, feeling very monday blues today so talking very much of rubbish.

Nipponland day 1&2

Today is my first full and last day in Nagoya. It is really exciting here. I have so so much to share!!!!

Yesterday we touched down in Tokyo to take a transit flight to Nagoya. Well, the flight was cancelled due to the typhoon in Japan. after much confirmation with the airport staff, they direct us to take the Shingansen (bullet train) to Nagoya. Amazingly, the schedule we got brought us to Nagoya earlier than taking the plane!!!

In the Shingansen

The train ride is great, I slept most part of it (since I didn't sleep the night before ) and it was really fast. Before i knew it, we reached Nagoya, Candy was supposed to picked us up at the station, we waited for some time before she came (i tot the fetcher should be there waiting..hmm...) She was late because of the shopping. It is like great Japan sale, everywhere is 50% off!!!! And my shopping starts as well!!

Here our first dinner in Japan...

Yummy Food!!!

Day 2 - Nagoya Dome...

We were awaken by the noise in kitchen... That's Candy cooking our breakfast... we have hotcakes happy meal and it makes us really very happy...

Today's Nipponland adverture starts in Nagoya Dome. It is like a huge shopping mall with lotsa things...

pretty umbrellas, i m so tempted to buy one, but i hardly use them...
Lin, do u like this, the small pictures are mushrooms...

I bought lots of clothes. No wonder Lindy says no need to bring clothes there, everything there is nicer than what I brought. And they are on sale so every piece is like less than $20!!! I already spend $170 shopping in less than 2 days.

After a yummy lunch, we went to Candy's church, NC3. There is like 30 people, Candy says it is usually not that crowded but because there is 2 person getting baptised today. They sang hillsongs in Japanese so gab and i could follow in english. The presence of God is definitely there, even when I couldn't understand the prayer, I could sense so much thanksgiving and joy in the hearts of the believers. The world is really small, I met Ayumi, who happens to be the daughter of the Pastor of NC3 and she is Pat's friend.

there is so many people in church todaybaptism in the bathroom

Pat's friend, Ayumi and me

After church, we immediately rush home to change into our Yukato (a japanese costume) and head to Nagoya Port. The pictures will explain it all. It is really a beautiful port and we took so so so many pictures. We could potentially be perspiring but the weather was so perfect, God is so good, it was super windy because of the typhoon yesterday yet there is no rain today. We also managed to catch the hanabi (fireworks) at the port. We were all very hungry before we settle for western food at Cats Garden. The dessert is superb!!!!

Candy, Jiamin, Pamela and I in Yukata

japanese wannabesGab not in Yukata

i am proud of the ribbon i tied, very kawaii

Yummy ice-cream after dinner...

After this, we took a slow stroll to the subway and went home... We all can't wait to get out of the yukata!!!! hahahahahaha....we can breathe at last!!!

Back from camp

I had a great time at Port Dickson.
Rev Mark Chan spoke on David's life. We heard about David for like 10 if not 20 times but i guess if i have not live like David, I have not really become a woman after God's heart... I felt I learnt about David all over again, this time even more. The most significant thing I have learnt is abt facing the Goliath of my life. Sometimes, I just felt so timid in front of some people. But in David's heart, he only fear God and not even a giant like Goliath. It is only if I start fearing God more than fearing man, I can move as God leads.

Other than sermons, the team time was great, we built our own houses, drew vineyards. Is it because I am older now, I felt I could click with the adults better... I felt great fellowship with them.

This album is powered by BubbleShare - Add to my blog

Seriously there is nothing to do at Port Dickson, we played Bang every night til 1 plus am. And in the afternoon we just hang around walk ard. We are so bo liao that we start taking funny pictures...

This album is powered by BubbleShare - Add to my blog十连拍。。。what we do on a boring afternoon free time...

Well, all in all, I had a great great time. Ok. I am ready to get back to office and faced my hundreds, if not, thousands of emails!!!

Church Camp - Port Dickson

Bags are packed, heart prepared, ready to go for my 1-week 'vacation'.
4 days of camp (3 days to be exact, 1/2 day to travel there and 1/2 day back), what will i hear from the Lord? It is really exciting when you really put aside time for the Lord. Cos you know that this time is consecrated for no one else, with no other agenda but to rest physically and rest in the presence of God.

We packed a few different card games there. Swap, Bang, Uno. Heard that the place we are going is very very ulu, may not even have prata or ramly burger.
Sushin left her dog at a pet hotel today cos she will be with me at the camp. She super miss her dog... Ian had diarrhea, i hope he will be well by tomorrow else the trip there will be bad for him. XM will be going Mongolia on Tues, I believe it will be a good trip for her. Hopefully she do not lose anymore weight there. She doesn't like mutton...

it is 1.30am now. i am very tired but cant seems to put my excitement to rest.
But still I better sleep else my exciting camp may become a flu-ish camp...
Ok. Will update when i get back on thurs. Friday still on leave. Yipee!!!!

My turn to go JAPANing

After Lindy write so so much on her blog on her japaning, I so wish I was there with her!!!

My wish is coming true in July. I am japaning, MY TURN NOW!!!

Planning for holiday is a very exciting experience... Though Lindy says I am crazy to do that kind of detail planning, I am excited looking at my planning spreadsheet filled up with information. Candy says Japan will be super hot in July. She says the sun is like right behind you. Then Japan do not wear spagetti top... We are also going Mt Fuji and Disney Sea, so so exciting... Gab n I managed to get free Northwest air tickets so we are just going to spend our money on food food food... thinking of all the sashimi, shabu shabu makes me drool... (I cant wait til JP, think i will have jp food this week)

Mt Fuji pic from website I am going to scale this mountain!!!