shopaholic

I am a shopaholic! I cant stop browsing the online stores and they are having discounts that are too tempting to resist!!! I need to start packing my stuff and so I need to stop buying! STOP!!!!
Seriously, I am going to stop! From today onwards, from this point onwards, no more online shopping!!!

What's next God?

Recents encounters and events made me evaluate my life purpose again. It is like a reminder from God once in a while to realign myself to Him and to make sure I am still walking in His will. (God always send me these reminders every 2 years...)



I have been meeting up with one of my cell members recently. In short, she told me that she cannot go on with her life like that without a purpose. She cannot just come to church every Sunday without knowing the purpose. She wants to know God again. God did not only appeared to her and changed her. God used her as a reminder to me.

Another of my cell member blogged abt his tots before going on a worship seminar. My immediate feelings is "Yes! I want to be like that. I want to have that same feeling like what he had felt" It brought to me a strong longing to be a true worshipper of God. Worshipping Him with my life.



A recent call from Ps Andy also reminded me of my once-upon-a-time passion to serve God full- time. Though I am not sure if it is my calling now, but it did reminded me to check with God again where I should be heading next. His call for me to stay in my workplace 5 years ago may had changed now and I cannot just bury myself in my work everyday and not listen out to God's call. Well, it may not be full-time ministry, it may be some other place that I should be moving to.



Yesterday I visited my grandma who is aged and not too well. She did not have a easy life when my grandfather died at a young age, leaving her with 5 young kids (my youngest uncle was still an infant then). And she was telling us the stories of her "world tour". She had been to Japan, New Zealand, Australia, many parts of China, Taiwan and almost went to South Africa. She said that she was glad she did travel before her health turned bad 2 years ago. Since then, she spent most of her days in bed being angry and unhappy abt life and people in her life. To my grandma, she had probably see travelling and seeing the world a great part of her life and I think, at least she had enjoyed her life. Though I sincerely hope she will become happier til she depart from this world.



40 days of community also give me upteem of opportunities to reflect more of my life since I have to consistently read the book daily for next 40 days. I kept thinking to myself as I read the book. "M I like what the book says I should be? or M I more like what the book say I shouldnt be". "M I living a life God will be pleased or M I not?"



An article was sent to me with this statement. "An average lifespan of man is 78 and woman 82. Minus this from your current age and multiply by 365 days is how many days you have left. And tomorrow is 1 day less..." I have 18980 days left by calculation, but who knows when will God call me back to be with Him. I am not stating this as a pessimistic point of view, rather to come to the simple fact that we cannot think we have all the time in the world. It is urgent! It has to be now!



I have been bombarded with many reminders again and again.

As we grow in God, God poses more challenges in our lives to mould us to be more like Him. He gives us more difficult questions in our lives to help us yearn to Him and think more like Christ. I can feel that the new few days, maybe months will be a wrestling period with God to align myself to God again. His calling VS my priorities and wants.



It is tough to be a true disciple. Yet it is an exciting journey that I want to take on!

Speaking into the life of my child

Candy gave me a book "Prayers and Promises for my Little Boy" on Christmas. It is a great book which shows the different areas I can pray for Caleb. The thing I love about this book is also the verses quoted that show God's promises...

Little Caleb was experiencing separation anxiety around 6 months. While other babies allow people to carry them, Caleb only want me and no one else. Sometimes no even Gabriel. We tried many methods yet it was not successful. He just wanted to stick to me. Rachel consulted some experienced mothers and was told this could last till the age of 2. Well, in my mind, I was thinking of what I can do to help him overcome this. As we chatted, Rachel suggested that we could pray for him more often...

And so I did...

At first, I prayed for God to give me wisdom. To show me methods to help Caleb overcome this separation anxiety. I read books and materials etc etc... and continue praying... One night, as I was praying for Caleb, God reminded me of the prayer book, about speaking God's word into Caleb's lives. As I begin to pray, unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, I started to pray that Caleb's will find security in Christ. That even if we are not around, he will know that we love him, Just as God is unseen but God is always with Him. Caleb's security is not only in daddy and mummy but in Christ! Oh what a prayer...

I thanks God that I do see improvement in Caleb. It will take time but I know only God can change Caleb!!!

my new eyes

i am typing this with my new 'eyes'. though the vision is still a little blur...kinda feeling like wearing blur contact lens... but it is really great...
when i went to bed last night, i was still feeling like my glasses were on... but no, it was my pair of new 'eyes'. it is great to be free from glasses after 20 years.

a clearer view tomorrow

i am doing my lasik surgery today. i am so excited!!! but so scare at the same time. have been wearing my specs for the past 20+ years, i can't imagine how it is like without all these hassles again...without having to search for my specs in the morning, without having to put the contact lens into my small, sleepy eyes, without the red eyes after removing my lens... the benefits are just too many to count...
what abt the risk???? i do not want to think abt it since i have decided to go for the op. =)
i m having butterflies in my stomach. m supposed to finish 2 reports before i got off from work for the next 2 days but i am so so excited that i can't concentrate on the reports...
okies... see u with a clearer vision from tomorrow... =)

lindy needs a holiday far from home, i m also hoping to take a break overseas soon.
it has been 1 month since i am back at work. handling caleb, work, chores @ home, time w gab, cell, friends is not easy. becos of the frequent OT, i feel pretty sad not being able to spend time with caleb. On good days, i will have 2 hours w him before he goes to bed. On bad days, it will be just a short 1/2hr of hugging. It is just a short 10-12 years when he will want to spend time with me yet these precious years are further shorten by my daily absence from his side.
Does this make sense? That I dun have the time for him when he needs me most and then later hope for him to spend time with me when he is already independant.
Wat is my priority? To pursue my career because i dun want my 20 years of education to be wasted or to bring up my son whom I brought to this earth.

Looking at caleb brings you the most amazing feeling. it is a mixture of gladness, joy, happiness, excitement. I can so imagine God feeling the same way as He look at us. No matter how bad we are, or how disobedient we can be, He will still look at us and smile, simply becos we are created by Him. And He is pleased with His creation.

ok. I am going to look at my calendar and plan for a holiday with gab.

6am: caleb and i will usually go back to sleep side by side after the morning feed but this morning he didn't go back to zzz... he stay awake and watch me as i prep to work, maybe he sense the difference this morning.

7.30am: loaded caleb and stuff in the car and going to my mum's place. he held my finger tight as he fell asleep in the car... i was missing him already...

8am: caleb left w my mum and gab sent me to work. i kept my mind off caleb so that the tears will stop. i told myself to kept every min occupied so that 5.30pm will come faster...

10am (now):finish clearing my emails and is waiting for things to do, fighting to not think of caleb and i think penning down my feelings here may help. better not tear in case my collegues see.

Countdown to end of 3 months leave

I am counting down the last few hours of my maternity leave. 2 months and 3 weeks flew past me and I am going back to work tomorrow. I have been having very mixed feelings for the past few days. On sat night, I was having first-day-of-school feeling, it comes with slight excitement to meet my collegues again and to start my new role in my job. On sun night (yesterday night), I was feeling really sad. I suddenly had the miss-caleb-very-much feeling, it is like a heart aching feeling which comes when gabriel goes on biz trip.

Looking back at the past 2 months and 3 weeks, I think I had almost completed what I wanted to do. I had experienced what a full-time mother + housewife is like. With no help after my confinement, I managed to handle caleb + housework + cooking. The experience was very good, though I wouldn't say I want to do this for a longer period. It is satisfying when you have clean floors, empty laundry bag, ironed clothes, and neat wardrobes + a delicious meal laid out for your husband when he returns home. I am pretty much as satisfied when I am working. I do sometimes wonder if I can stay at home full time. The only and biggest difference is the social part. I feel the lack of communication when I stay at home. I am just a task completor (if there's such a word). The whole social part of my life went missing and that's probably the greatest reason why I still belong to the working community.

Back to Caleb... Caleb had started responding to us from abt 3weeks ago, just before he hit 2 months. He smile and giggles and 'talk' back when we talk to him. He is especially responsive in the morning at abt 8-9am. Caleb also enjoy bathtime and playtime more. He loves his daily playtime on the play gym after his lunch feed before he takes his long 2hr nap. He has also started to sleep for 8 hrs at night before he reaches 2 month and so Gab and I have our free time after he goes to bed at 10pm. =)

playtime

I am also experience in bringing Caleb to shopping after the disaestrous shopping trip. He enjoys having his afternoon nap in aircon shopping mall while I do my shopping, just dun step into shops that play techno or rock music, else he will be so irritated that he will scream and cry.

Caleb also experience his first pool session. It is like a 10 min feet washing session, he is not very comfortable the cold pool water so we decided to take it slowly. Gotto do it again and again, daddy n mummy love to swim so caleb got to learn to love the sport too...

I guess all these happen because I kept telling myself not to give up at 1 bad experience. Anyway, having a son is a totally new thing to me so if I fail today, I can always try tomorrow.

Some memorable events...

Huang Teng & Li Kiang's ROM- S11 class photo w partners

Happy 26th Birthday Candy!!! (Aunty Lindy is not carrying caleb properly)

we brought caleb for a dip in the pool, he was whinning as it was the first time he touches cold water, mayb not so memorable for him...

adventure in orchard

yesterday was an adventurous day when i decided to go shopping with caleb... in orchard!!! the adventure started with rainy weather in orchard, there is no way I can move around with the pram above ground so it is underpass all the way. if u think that doesnt sound bad, u are wrong, those who shop in orchard frequently, you will know the number of stairs we have to use to move from 1 place to another... so super no baby friendly...i also forget to bring the very very important silencing tool - pacifier. so i end up shopping with a crying baby.

thank God rachel was with me and she help to carry caleb while i try on the clothes.



so 1st attempt at orchard is not that successful...



oh... tangs nursing room is super cool. it is like you have your own private area, a comfortable armchair to nurse your baby. they even provide steriliser and hot water. i give it 5 stars!!!



some new photos

full month party at royal park hotel

caleb in sunglasses

May Day holiday - Family day

The first PH with my baby. Instead of spending the day at shoppping mall or hanging out with friends like every other PH, this day is spent as a family day. (i guess that's how it is when u have a family)

We had fun playing w Caleb (or rather playing him cos he still dun know how to play... heehee) and catching naps/ tv-ing while he is asleep.

playtimegab trying to make him smile

managed to catch him smile *_*

he is getting impatient...

yawnzzz

his classic 'chicken little' look... nvr fail to make me laugh

Since my last blog, many had sent encouraging sms or msn asking how i am? Thanks for your lovessss... I am doing much better now. I am getting used to all this mother thing. I even have time to sneak out for a drink w friends, update my facebook, plan for the 1st month party, read etc etc.

As my confinement ends, more challenges will be ahead. I will have to cope w being alone at home w Caleb, handling household chores, going out w him, going back to church and cell w him... so much more for me to learn...

oh yah... i must also start my exercise routine!!! ok ok... i better take 1 step at a time

Happy 1 week old, Caleb!!

Caleb is 1 week old!!!

Caleb Tham Kai Le, born on 15th April 2009, 3:50pm, weigh 3.44kg. He took his first breath after 14hrs in the labour ward (actual labour is abt 10hrs). Yes, I used ephidural after being in immerse pain for 5 hours. After that jab, I could sleep thru all the contractions.

Here are some of the pictures...

"i am 3.44kg!!"

baby and me first peep (w 1 eye)

first family picture

cell photo- new member of Ignite

Daddy and Caleb first outing

My life is changed since Caleb's first cry. All other activities ceased or take the lowest priority except feeding Caleb, changing Caleb's diapers, sterilising Caleb's bottle...My mind is just filled w "When did Caleb last eat?", "When's the next feed?", "Is 50 ml enough?". Trust me, being a mother is really tough...

I had never felt so helpless and upset before. My heart had never been broken so many times in my whole 29 yrs of life. Each time he cry and cry until his voice turn hoarse, my heart breaks, yet I was determined not to run to him at the very first sec he cries. I kept asking myself why does my baby cry so much? what's wrong? Did I mishandled him? Am I not giving him enough milk? But yet all these questions has no answer cos Caleb cannot response to me. It is like a broken communication where my pleas for him to stop crying is turn to deaf ear (by his deafening cries).

Then it is all the people around me, who sincerely cared for me and Caleb. I know all the good intentions and I seriously believe they love me and him. But each time he cry, before I can evaluate and think what I should do, thousands of suggestions are thrown at my direction and many of which contradicts. Well, they are my seniors so it makes it harder to ignore their suggestions.

Alas! I can't hold my emotions anymore and broke down 3 times. I need to let my emotion run so my tears run and flow like nigara falls (only in front of Gab). Thank God for a supportive husband. With 1 hand carrying a crying baby, trying to coax him, and the other hugging me, trying to coax me, it is tough being a father as well. He is calm and patient. He read up and help me understand that situation which I failed to see clearly. Together, we pray and think of different strategies to find out Caleb's needs...

Well, it is still tough... but I know I am more in control now. My mind is clearer when he cry and I am not as panicky. As Gab says, Caleb is less than a week old, everything takes time. We need time to adjust to him and so does he. He is also trying to get used to being out of my womb. I now look at this month of confinement as a month of getting to know someone new and also allowing him to know me. I look forward to achieving a non-vebal understanding between Caleb and myself.

A big thanks to all those who have shown concern and pray for me during my pregnancy. Pray for me even more for now, my friends. This is the beginning of my training to becoming a mother.

A new phase of life - coming soon

I am approaching my final 2 weeks of pregnancy. Praise God for watching over me these 9 months. Over the last 2 weeks, my stomach grow in an incredible speed, telling me that Caleb is really getting too big for my small body and is waiting to come into this world. I have also slowly (and truly) being to feel like a mother as I prepare his room, wash his clothes (they are so tiny and cute, and they smell really good), put up his toys. I begin to understand why my mum took so much effort in doing some things for us when we were still young. Like I could never understand why she must keep the house so clean and wash the clothes so thoroughly, leaving no time for herself to rest. I found myself doing the same thing, ensuring every toy is carefully wiped with sterilised solution, every piece of clothing is washed cleaned. Even when my feet is already swollen to almost twice their size now and I walk around like a duck, I will still be cleaning Caleb's cupboard, bed and many other things. I know we all inherit this from our Father in Heaven, who will never rest and ensure the best for His children.

Matthew 7:9-11

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

my collegue, Envi, just gave birth last week. The joy on her face tells me that her 10hrs of labour pain was all worth it. Even when she was talking to us, her eyes never fails to turn to her sleeping daughter every 5 mins (maybe even more frequent).

Envi's daughter, Caydence

I hope the next time I will be posting Caleb's pictures. Keep me in your prayers as I go into my 40th week.

This is the 35th week. 5 more weeks and we will all get to see caleb. It is pretty exciting as days approaches. The most common question people ask lately is "Are you scared?". My answer "No la..." But truly, the natural part of me is of course scare, scare of pain, scare of prolong delivery time. Well, if these comes naturally, what help does it bring if I do say I am scare. I chose to face it bravely. thinking abt it will not make it less painful (if pain is meant to be). Looking at the possiblity that I can have a painless childbrith brings more excitement as days goes by.

Dun get me wrong, it is not like i m in denial. it is just too common to know the diffcult part of childbirth, dun u think TV program, books and friends' testimony have given us enough solid evidence that childbirth is painful, so i think i need not dwell into this further to reinforce the fact that women have been facing this over centuries. Looking at the other side of the fence, there have been more and more positive testimonies from people as well who did not face pain or any difficulties in childbirth. I am listening to the positive testimonies of people to have experience childbirth differently from the "common" ones. Maybe painless and fearless childbirth is really common but just that human always like to look at the negative things.

Well, seriously, this is my first time, so i am really inexperience to comment further. My answer will continue be "no la, no scare la..." anyway, my mind is just my cute cute boy who is kicking me every 2 hours. and i really thank God for keeping me, watching me these 35 weeks. Thanks my dearest Father in Heaven for this gift so that I know how you feel as Father.

I had wanted to share this some time ago… it is until today that I have time to pen down this testimony.
There was a tiny piece of flesh that hangs near my upper arm for a long long time and though it was tiny, it didn’t look good whenever I wore sleeveless tops. I absolutely hated it and wanted to have it removed for sometime but didn’t have a chance to do it.

On my 20th week of my pregnancy, I had some virus infection and was on antibiotics for 2 weeks. My gynae told me the antibiotics should remove the virus and she would check again later in my pregnancy stage. I was telling myself that I believe the virus is already gone. Well, maybe I did have a little doubt in my mind so God spoke to me one morning…

…I was bathing and praying for complete healing of the virus that morning. A thought (which I believe it was from God) came to me. “Wendy, why not you lay hands on the flesh that you always wanted to remove and pray that it will fall off today. I will show you that if I can remove this small little flesh, I can remove the virus from your body.”
Even though I have prayed for healing on myself several times before but not once have I ever prayed like how I prayed after I heard God spoken to me. I laid my hand on the flesh and commanded it to come off in the name of Jesus. The command was full of authority (which I never felt so strongly before). It was determined and strong.
Nothing happen in the next few minutes, but I begin to thank God that healing is taking place and He has begin to do His work. Still nothing happen as yet…

That very evening after I came home, I check on the flesh again and realized it had turn black and sort of enlarge a little…(I was a little scared… haha). I gently touched it and give it a tuck and it came off!!!! Praise God

So here's my testimony. No problem is too big for my God, no sickness is too serious that He cannot heal.

some pictures to share

dun mistaken... this is not my boy. my collegue, khim has given birth to this cute boy yesterday. i am so excited for her. it is like watching her baby growing in her tummy and then now in real person... what a joy to see a new born... see, he is sleeping so peacefully. despite our disturbs, he refuse to wake up.





as i was downloading picture, i saw this one taken some time ago so decided to post it as well. we were at island creamary one sunday... after eating 4 scoops of ice-cream, the guys felt unsatisfied and go for 1 full tub... i forgot they are boys, shouldnt have even started off the the 4 scoops... in the end, i feel like puking...

me not in pic (dun think i will load the photo for your viewing if i am in)

God's blessing - Caleb

it is so amazing to watch a baby's growth every month thru the ultrasound scan and it is so exciting too preparing for the arrival of the baby. It just remind me of the arrival of baby Jesus the many many years ago. If the arrival of a ordinary child can bring so much joy to the parents' heart, how much more joy there could be on the arrival of a special child. no wonder we sing Joy to the World, because it is indeed a joy, joy to the family to receive a new born in the house, and joy to the world when a child is born for the world.

Gabriel and I decided on Caleb (you can check out the name from the bible in Numbers). Caleb and Joshua were the 2 out of the 12 who came back with good report of the promise land. Caleb, becos he had a different spirit, could see the goodness of the land and so enter the land that God had promised to the Israelites. =)

I am now searching for Chinese names. It is so exciting. =) keep you all updated soon....

i am feeling exhausted today... my body just doesn't feel right or in tune...my mind is drifting in and out of different tots all the time. i can't concentrate. my heart is exhausted today, so exhausted that i dun feel like feeling happy or sad or angry. is it the emotional roller coaster people talk abt that i m facing today?

i think i have tried my best, but mayb it is not-so best or not best enough. sometimes i also think so... i ask myself " are u sure this is the best? you mean u cant do better?" so did i actually do my best? i always look at the good things to keep me going but i cant ignore the bad things happening now...

if i give up now... ok, i dun even want to think abt that... not right to give up... if God didnt even give up on me the many times i think He would...

i m in such random tots. i m tired. i want to take a break tomorrow but it is such a packed day. mayb i shld have all my meeting packed in the morning and then take a half day break.

i feel so useless at times. i m timid at nature i guess, low risk taker. "Be bold!" says the Lord. I hope to be bolder. I hope to be able to step into the lion's den, to go into the burning furnace, to face Goliath. God, help me....

thanks for all your blessings

one more year has passed. another 23rd sep.
as the years go on, there is no much to celebrate...
i had dinner w cell grp, dinner with family and dinner with my few best friends...
it is a nice cosy thing now, not the ra-ra birthdays that used to be...
i receive my birthday present from JP today, a top for the big tummy me... thanks candy!!!
got a watch from my mum, another top from pat...

baby is 4.5cm in length. it is so exciting to see baby again... it is like the most exciting thing thru the weekend, waiting to see him/her on Monday... thru a blur image...
i guess that's how it is being a mum and dad (for gab), u just hope u can scan everything u want to so that u can take a glimpse of baby....

i am feeling less tired lately though occasionally u will literally want to sleep on the spot, no matter where u are...my mouth got weird taste all the time...

gab says he never buy anything for me, but i think he gave me all the love and care and concern thru these 2 months... no money can buy... and actually he buy me some bottoms which cause a bomb....

God's word to me this week and I stand in awe of Him

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalms 139: 13-14

I am so glad Gabriel will be back tomorrow night! Really miss him.

greetings from Houston. it is 2.30am now. not that i can't get to sleep but rather i just woke up from my power nap... the time difference and the 20hrs flight took a toll on my body so, though i wanted to keep myself awake to adjust to houston timing, my body decided otherwise and i went to bed at 7pm!!! So now i am wide awake.
i didnt eat much as well and i am super hungry when i wake up. forgetting all the diet i am in, i soak my cup noodle with not-so-boiling hot water and now i am enjoying my cup noodle while blogging. thank God for cup noodles!!!!!
i went shopping at kathy mills outlet. every shop is on sale today. fall sale. but i was so so tired that i didnt want to try on clothes. (lin, i ended up buying clothes for u...)
oh and i am staying in homewood suite, the rooms here are huge!!!! the rooms are all suites (i think that's why call homewood suites). i am actually sitting in the living room now and there is a small kitchen. then there is a mircowave oven, stove, a big fridge and a dish washer (which i dun know how to use), i have a huge bed with 6 pillows and there are 2 tv in this suite... i wish i havemy camera to take a picture to show u how big it really is... but then again, why would 1 person need such a big place... just make me feel more alone...

great! it is 3am now. and if the sleeping spell dun hit me now. i am going to zzzz thru tomorrow meeting esp the post lunch slot... i have finished my cup noodle... like not enuff le... feel like having 1 more =P. i also bought mac cheese, just put into mircowave... aiya how... very hungry le... think i better go sleep now...