I am not too sure when it started. I believe it could have started very long time ago. Perhaps it had started during those times when we all thought that his 'no' were just petty matters and could be ignored. Somethings really felt unimportant enough to enforce discipline, like asking Caleb to come over when he is playing his toys, asking him to stop his playtime at the playground cos it is time to go home, asking him to take his bathe etc etc. Some parenting books suggest that children must be taught to obey immediately as they were told. When you want to them to come now, stop now, it must be done NOW. At times like these, I do allow him some leeway whenever he say no. Oh these are just petty stuff, I always thought.
As days, weeks, months goes by, the 'no's are extended to more things in the daily routine. When it is time for meals, he wants to watch TV. When it is almost bedtime, he wants his food. Refusing to bath the whole day. Demanding to be to play with his toys or watch TV at inappropriate timing. It doesn't happen all the time, but I am seeing an increasing trend. The little allowance which I gave to him has begin to make him think that he is the boss in the house and I have to now obey his orders. And this role reversal is getting more and more significant on matters which I took as petty. Ok, Caleb is not all rebellious or incorrigible if that's what you are thinking, they are really small matters, but this start to set me thinking on setting things back in the right order. It may be petty matters now, but who knows where this disobedience will lead him to?
There are several things which I had insisted on Caleb since young and I found that because of that consistent discipline, those part of his life is much in order. He knows that I do not take 'no' for those matters. Like bedtime, nap time, those are no-compromise situation. When it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep. Caleb could even sleep by himself when many parents I know face the challenge of putting their kids to bed. So I think most part of his disobedience comes from us, parents who choose not to discipline or insist. When we think it is ok for him to disagree on something, when we allow him to have some of his own decisions, we are actually teaching him that disobeying us is ok. And that boundary is expanding as he challenge us daily with his 'no' and 'I want'.
I am not intending to become a psychopath mother or a dictator in Caleb's life. But I begin to see that it is a very thin line between allowing him to do what he wants or likes and bringing him up in disobedience. It is too thin and I need to learn how to handle it. This is the new challenge Caleb has posted in my life. I need new wisdom, extra discernment, creativity to handle the situation, extra discipline myself to be consistent in handling Caleb.
Is this biblical? I would think so.
Prov 19:18 " Discipline your so, for in that there is hope. Do not be the willing party in his death"
If I can't get him to obey me, someone who had shown him love in a very visible and extensive way, how can I be sure that he will obey his teachers in school or leaders in church or even God.
God command us to obey Him. He demands obedience. Obedience pleases God.
Prov 19:16 "He who obeys instructions guards his life."
2 John 1:6 " And this is love: that we walk in obedience in his command"
1 Sam 15:22 "Obedience is better than sacrifice."
Also bearing in mind that God commend us to honor our parents. How can I be teaching my son disobedience and dishonoring his parents if that's what God has commended.
How am I going to do it? Seriously I do not know the best way. But Prov 13:24 says "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
Prov 22, 23 speaks of the rod, which drives out folly in the heart of the child (22:15), save the child from death (23:13, 14). Using the rod in the right way, at the right time, all requires judgment and guidance. My 1st guide is never to use it when I am angry... Well after that, I need to discern the situation.
Indeed, it is one of the most challenging time of my life.
