A simple lesson on Obedience

Caleb taught me a lesson on Obedience...

I brought Caleb to the playground 2 days ago and met some other Singaporean mothers with older kids (ard 2-5 years older than Caleb). Caleb was given a boundary at the playground and he was instructed not to cross that boundary. The boundary is set to be within a slope and a fence. He had been punished previously for stepping out of the fence.

Well, older kids do not observed such boundaries in the playground so they are running around freely. And Caleb loves to play with these big kor kors. They were playing happily at the playground when the big kor kors decided to go down the slope. Caleb ran to the edge of the slope and came to a brake when he realised he was about to cross his boundary. He looked at my direction and was inching towards the big kor kors who were having lots of fun down at the bottom of the slope. But then he stopped. He kept looking at me for approval but I didn't react. He took a step forward, and then backward, and forward and backward and this went on for a few times.

By now, the big kor kors are calling out to him to join them. But he stood at the same spot. After around 10 mins (or more), he called out to me. I calmly walked over to him and asked him what he wanted, he said, "Mama, can I go down pls?" I told him he couldn't go down on his own but I could bring him down for a while. I let him play for a while with the big boys and brought up again. On the way up, I told him I was pleased that he obeyed.

Honestly, I am more than pleased. I am overjoyed when I see my Caleb remembering my command and obeying it. Because the slope is dangerous and I will not be able to see him once he is at the bottom so I gave him a command not to cross that boundary. But his act of obedience touches me and pleases me so so much. I understand truly from God's point of view how He felt when we choose to obey Him, when we choose to die to our flesh to act on His way. And I can also feel how God must have felt when we choose to disobey and end up getting hurt or getting lost. Like any parents, God gave instruction for a reason which we may not see or understand, and the bottom line, do we choose to obey?

Caleb had taught me a lesson on obeying God that day.

There are days like this day, when you feel really aimless and meaningless. When things you do don't satisfy you. When you feel so lacking and so needing. When you try to get all things done but found that there are more to be done and then you just want to stop doing all that has to be done. When you feel sleepy but you don't want to sleep. When you feel hungry but don't know what to eat. When you want to make something extra nice but just can't find the energy to do it.

what should i do in a day like this?

let me think... ok... i got out of my house but just walked around aimlessly, making my already tired and aching body more tired. i had my dinner at my friend's house but just kept minimum conversation. i return home, put caleb to sleep, bath, washed all the dishes (which i really wanted to leave to tomorrow but i didn't)

then i go to my itunes and i want listening to some worship songs and spend some time with the Lord.

the first song that was played. "everyday it's You I live for. everyday I'll follow after You. everyday I'll walk with you my Lord."

indeed, in days like this. I still live for my Lord. it is for Him I live.

New Challenge

Caleb has recently posted me with a new challenge. You may think it is the current potty training program I am putting him thru, you are wrong. (That's the challenge I am putting on him n on myself). Caleb is actually showing increasing disobedience to instructions given to him.

I am not too sure when it started. I believe it could have started very long time ago. Perhaps it had started during those times when we all thought that his 'no' were just petty matters and could be ignored. Somethings really felt unimportant enough to enforce discipline, like asking Caleb to come over when he is playing his toys, asking him to stop his playtime at the playground cos it is time to go home, asking him to take his bathe etc etc. Some parenting books suggest that children must be taught to obey immediately as they were told. When you want to them to come now, stop now, it must be done NOW. At times like these, I do allow him some leeway whenever he say no. Oh these are just petty stuff, I always thought.

As days, weeks, months goes by, the 'no's are extended to more things in the daily routine. When it is time for meals, he wants to watch TV. When it is almost bedtime, he wants his food. Refusing to bath the whole day. Demanding to be to play with his toys or watch TV at inappropriate timing. It doesn't happen all the time, but I am seeing an increasing trend. The little allowance which I gave to him has begin to make him think that he is the boss in the house and I have to now obey his orders. And this role reversal is getting more and more significant on matters which I took as petty. Ok, Caleb is not all rebellious or incorrigible if that's what you are thinking, they are really small matters, but this start to set me thinking on setting things back in the right order. It may be petty matters now, but who knows where this disobedience will lead him to?

There are several things which I had insisted on Caleb since young and I found that because of that consistent discipline, those part of his life is much in order. He knows that I do not take 'no' for those matters. Like bedtime, nap time, those are no-compromise situation. When it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep. Caleb could even sleep by himself when many parents I know face the challenge of putting their kids to bed. So I think most part of his disobedience comes from us, parents who choose not to discipline or insist. When we think it is ok for him to disagree on something, when we allow him to have some of his own decisions, we are actually teaching him that disobeying us is ok. And that boundary is expanding as he challenge us daily with his 'no' and 'I want'.

I am not intending to become a psychopath mother or a dictator in Caleb's life. But I begin to see that it is a very thin line between allowing him to do what he wants or likes and bringing him up in disobedience. It is too thin and I need to learn how to handle it. This is the new challenge Caleb has posted in my life. I need new wisdom, extra discernment, creativity to handle the situation, extra discipline myself to be consistent in handling Caleb.

Is this biblical? I would think so.

Prov 19:18 " Discipline your so, for in that there is hope. Do not be the willing party in his death"

If I can't get him to obey me, someone who had shown him love in a very visible and extensive way, how can I be sure that he will obey his teachers in school or leaders in church or even God.

God command us to obey Him. He demands obedience. Obedience pleases God.

Prov 19:16 "He who obeys instructions guards his life."

2 John 1:6 " And this is love: that we walk in obedience in his command"

1 Sam 15:22 "Obedience is better than sacrifice."

Also bearing in mind that God commend us to honor our parents. How can I be teaching my son disobedience and dishonoring his parents if that's what God has commended.

How am I going to do it? Seriously I do not know the best way. But Prov 13:24 says "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Prov 22, 23 speaks of the rod, which drives out folly in the heart of the child (22:15), save the child from death (23:13, 14). Using the rod in the right way, at the right time, all requires judgment and guidance. My 1st guide is never to use it when I am angry... Well after that, I need to discern the situation.

Indeed, it is one of the most challenging time of my life.

Calling of a mother

From the book " Don't make me count to three."

Sometimes I feel like just getting dressed and making it through the day is all I ever accomplish. "Isn't there something more that you wanted me to do today Lord?" Finally, I could hear that still, small voice. I may not have found a cure for cancer or conquer world hunger, but as I soak in my tub, God gently reminds me of what I did accomplish today. i had the privilege of listening to the hopes and dreams of a handsome young man who thinks I'm the greatest woman in the world. He stands just over three feet tall and only gets really excited over Legos and pizza, but he is funny and charming, and never boring.

....

I was able to dust, organize, clean, counsel and cook. I kissed away the boo-boos and washed away the tears. I praised, rebuked, encouraged, hugged and tested my patience, all before noon.

Yes, my greatest accomplishment today is nurturing the two precious children that God has entrusted to my care.

This 1st chapter of the book gave me inspiration of what accomplishment a full time mother had made out of their everyday. We may not be CEO or Director. We do not given target or KPI to meet by our boss (we dun have a boss). But everyday of our life is of great accomplishment cos we are doing what God has entrusted us to do!

There are days when I wonder if I have the calling to be a full time mother. Those are the days when Caleb nearly drive me crazy, but which jobs do not have bad days. I learn that those bad days are used to help me teach Caleb into a better boy and also to mould me to be of better character too.

As for the good times, it is countless. My heart melts each time Caleb run to me, hug me, call for me, when he bream with joy as he make small accomplishments.

Updating my life in US with some photos...

Our new home in Monterey

1st Roadtrip on Christmas to Gab's Uncle's house

Big Sur Roadtrip

San Francsico Weekend

Week 3 in Monterey.

It is 1 week after the last post. I am still missing home... I still want to tear when I begin to think of home. I am such a cry baby. helo, whoever reading my blog, i m still thinking of you. =)

In this 1 week, we have moved to the new place. It is double storey (I have muscle ache after 2 days of climbing up n down the stairs many many times!), fully carpeted except toilets, dining and kitchen area, has a little front yard. It feels like going to a chalet when I first move in. But as we start shifting things around, buying things to fill the house, it feels a little like dream home cos it is something I wouldn't have in Singapore.

And I begin my life as a home maker. It is a very busy job, with packed schedules and timeline to meet, oh, and with budget too. It is like doing a coordinator + operation job at the same time. My to do list is always increasing, with the priority changing at different time of the day.
It is so packed and mundane that I need to fb/msn at night to feel that I still belong to myself. (maybe only I understand what I am talking here). It is like my daily routine is determined by caleb's meal, caleb's play, caleb's abc & 1,2,3. Yet, there is fulfilment in itself as you spend the day with caleb, just being busy with his stuff. aiya, it is so hard to explain the dilemma I am facing.

I am also busy planning my MIL's visit. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT to plan someone's holiday!!!

I want to post some very beautiful pictures when I got time. that's like #?? in my list. hee...