6am: caleb and i will usually go back to sleep side by side after the morning feed but this morning he didn't go back to zzz... he stay awake and watch me as i prep to work, maybe he sense the difference this morning.

7.30am: loaded caleb and stuff in the car and going to my mum's place. he held my finger tight as he fell asleep in the car... i was missing him already...

8am: caleb left w my mum and gab sent me to work. i kept my mind off caleb so that the tears will stop. i told myself to kept every min occupied so that 5.30pm will come faster...

10am (now):finish clearing my emails and is waiting for things to do, fighting to not think of caleb and i think penning down my feelings here may help. better not tear in case my collegues see.

Countdown to end of 3 months leave

I am counting down the last few hours of my maternity leave. 2 months and 3 weeks flew past me and I am going back to work tomorrow. I have been having very mixed feelings for the past few days. On sat night, I was having first-day-of-school feeling, it comes with slight excitement to meet my collegues again and to start my new role in my job. On sun night (yesterday night), I was feeling really sad. I suddenly had the miss-caleb-very-much feeling, it is like a heart aching feeling which comes when gabriel goes on biz trip.

Looking back at the past 2 months and 3 weeks, I think I had almost completed what I wanted to do. I had experienced what a full-time mother + housewife is like. With no help after my confinement, I managed to handle caleb + housework + cooking. The experience was very good, though I wouldn't say I want to do this for a longer period. It is satisfying when you have clean floors, empty laundry bag, ironed clothes, and neat wardrobes + a delicious meal laid out for your husband when he returns home. I am pretty much as satisfied when I am working. I do sometimes wonder if I can stay at home full time. The only and biggest difference is the social part. I feel the lack of communication when I stay at home. I am just a task completor (if there's such a word). The whole social part of my life went missing and that's probably the greatest reason why I still belong to the working community.

Back to Caleb... Caleb had started responding to us from abt 3weeks ago, just before he hit 2 months. He smile and giggles and 'talk' back when we talk to him. He is especially responsive in the morning at abt 8-9am. Caleb also enjoy bathtime and playtime more. He loves his daily playtime on the play gym after his lunch feed before he takes his long 2hr nap. He has also started to sleep for 8 hrs at night before he reaches 2 month and so Gab and I have our free time after he goes to bed at 10pm. =)

playtime

I am also experience in bringing Caleb to shopping after the disaestrous shopping trip. He enjoys having his afternoon nap in aircon shopping mall while I do my shopping, just dun step into shops that play techno or rock music, else he will be so irritated that he will scream and cry.

Caleb also experience his first pool session. It is like a 10 min feet washing session, he is not very comfortable the cold pool water so we decided to take it slowly. Gotto do it again and again, daddy n mummy love to swim so caleb got to learn to love the sport too...

I guess all these happen because I kept telling myself not to give up at 1 bad experience. Anyway, having a son is a totally new thing to me so if I fail today, I can always try tomorrow.

Some memorable events...

Huang Teng & Li Kiang's ROM- S11 class photo w partners

Happy 26th Birthday Candy!!! (Aunty Lindy is not carrying caleb properly)

we brought caleb for a dip in the pool, he was whinning as it was the first time he touches cold water, mayb not so memorable for him...