In a flash of time, I had moved out of my 4 yrs Sengkang home, quited my 5 yr job, flew a cross the pacific ocean and ended in a complete new place, with a complete new life.

The past 3 weeks passed me too fast. I am recollecting the emotions I missed out over the last 2 weeks. Tonight, as Gab and Caleb lay beside me asleep, I couldn't sleep and was looking at what's currently around me, I had a sudden flashback of what had happened. It is like I suddenly cannot accept the fact that I am already in US though this was planned 1 yr ago. This feels almost like I had swallowed big chucks of food down my throat without chewing and tasting them properly and now it is coming up again. Or maybe it is the limit which I begin to miss my mother, father, sisters, friends in Singapore.

Did I even mentioned that I am the miss-home type? Even when I was staying in hall in my uni days, I need to go home every weekend, else I will end up crying myself to sleep after 2 weekends away from home.

First, I know for sure I will miss my Sengkang home. That's the 1st place Gab and I bought, design and decorate it from nothing. Every single detail was carefully thought thru. I really miss that place. As I was packing to move out, I just do not want to think abt the emotional tots. I know if I continue to ignore it, there will be a huge eruption later.

I miss going to Pasir Ris to have dinner, to talk to my family as we eat, to have cut fruits served after dinner. I miss just simply hanging out with my sisters, even if we r doing nothing. I miss lying on lindy's bed while she is busy with dun know what. There is too much I miss... I miss daddy and mummy pampering me.

I miss the people in church, cos we just do nothing but stand in circle. I miss the standing in the circle times. I miss the sun, sitting at su's sofa n watch tv times. I miss the gals' nites out though it is a standard dinner + coffee thing. I miss my cell group cos they are the best! I love to worship with Ignite, I love the fellowship and sharing time cos we share our heart to each other.

Great... this is like a eruption of my emotions. tomorrow i will have swollen eyes. =(
I really wanted to give everyone a good, long hug at the airport that day, But I didnt, cos I know I can't stop my tears if I stay at the sending off area longer. Now I wish I had given you a longer hug cos I am going to miss it for 1 year.

Season of Advent

I am personally not a fan of liturgical events that happen in church. I do not hate them but I will not wave any palm leaves to support them. Today I was reminded that this sunday, actually today as I am writing this at 12.20am, is the start of Advent again. This is the 3rd year we are doing the same thing over again for the next 4 weeks (reading the same verses and then lighting the same candle). So I decided to read and find out more abt it.


Advent means 'arrival' or 'coming'. The season of Advent starts 4 weeks before Christ arrival, signifying the wait and the anticipation of His coming. It signifies hope and joy. Over the years, different denomination celebrate it differently (w different colour themes) but the focus remains much the same. And the focus is not only the celebration of Jesus' birth but also the anticipation of Jesus' 2nd coming. The latter is fairly new to me!


The Advent symbol is sign of Alpha and Omega taken from Rev 1:8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the End, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."It is not only the celebration of the past but also of the present and the future, where we are constantly reminded of why Jesus had to come, and Him being in our midst and Him coming again.

Dennis Bratcher from his online article on The season of Advent,
"Advent also symbolizes the spiritual journey of individuals and a congregation, as they affirm that Christ has come, that He is present in the world today, and that He will come again in power."
"The spirit of Advent is expressed well in the parable of the bridesmaids who are anxiously awaiting the coming of the Bridegroom (Matt 25:1-13). There is profound joy at the Bridegroom’s expected coming. And yet a warning of the need for preparation echoes through the parable."


From as young as 11 years old, Christmas, to me, is the most beautiful event of the year and I always look forward to it. Because the celebration of Christmas is on the eve and actual day, I always wish that I could really celebrate it 12 days. And to lengthen the celebration of Christmas, I will start with Christmas shopping, Christmas deco, party planning. This is how I prolong my Christmas celebration.


But for this year, I think I had started the celebration of Christmas with the understanding of Advent. I want to take time to remember, or refresh my memory of Christ coming again for the next four weeks. As I gain greater understanding of its purpose, I think it will give me conviction of take the next 4 weeks of celebration more seriously and look at the liturgy more meaningfully.

p.s. There are several articles which tells us the details of Advent celebration, like the colour of candles, what each week symbolises etc etc which is not blogged here. It is really interesting to read abt it!

Historical moment

this is the historical moment of my life and i hope to do a record of it... i m 10 mins from my 30th birthday. i m crossing from the twenties to the thirties... i can no longer associate myself with the 21, 22 yrs old youngsters because i was in my 20s (even at 29 yr old). from tomorrow onwards, i m not anymore.

reaching 30 brings me a very mix and complex feelings. even though i still feel young at some times, but the big 3 reminds me that i m not young. so i m really stuck in the i think i feel young but maybe i m not really young space. sometimes i think to myself that i shld stop thinking i m young and start moving on the next phase of my life and embrace my 30s with new lifestyle. (is it complex?? do i sound complex? )

the journey of my 30 yrs...

1st yr - i was borned
2nd yr -
3rd yr - i had a sister!!! candy was borned
4th yr - kindergarden, i think i shld be having fun
5th yr - start ballet. i dun remember enjoying the classes...
6th yr - i went to macpherson pri for pre-pri school. I remember being the youngest student in my school bus. it was fun! this is the yr which lindy was borned.
7th yr - pri 1. the first Christian song i learn is 'God is so good.'
8th yr -
9th yr - pri 3. i did v well for my exams and was promoted to a better class. i remember being v proud of myself.
10th yr - i went for chinese story telling competition n came in 4th.
11th yr - i had my first crush on a guy sitting in front of me.
12th yr - my psle yr. it was a yr of studying n very little play. but i did v well.
13th yr - i m glad to be in cedar's girls and it was the first time i became class monitress. Cedar rocks!!!
14th yr - i was selected to be in the prefectorial board. this was probably the start of my leadership development. i brought my sisters out for our 1st movie... i cant remember what show. =(
15th yr - i think this was the age which i receive my 1st love letter. i wonder why cause i really look very nerdy... very ugly... =P. i think i had my 1st unofficial boyfriend in this year (actually just a guy who first held my hand).
16th yr - a very impt year of my life! i became a christian!! i join charis sunday school. my family went to US this year and we had the most wonderful time of our life!!!
17th yr - i remember feeling adult at this age but actually when i look back, i m pretty childish...i was pretty drawn to my own activities and away from my family. my parents became christians!!!
18th yr - graduated from jc with not so satisfying results. took on my 1st full time temp job at HQ link. my first taste to working life.
19th yr - life in a mess as i immerse into hall life. 1st time to clubbing, drinking and exposure to the chaos of the world (i thank God that i didnt get myself into any big mess, or trouble as i open my eyes to the temptation of the world)
20th yr - God is faithful, I rededicated my life to Jesus! Thanks for Sharon, (Asher's mum), who consistently met up with me and visited me in my hall. I was never the same after 1998 youth camp. n i promise never to turn from God since then. I went for my 1st mission trip in Japan, Love Tokyo '99. i also decided to not stay in hall and moved back home, even though i m staying in pasir ris n have to travel to NTU everyday! I got to know my 2 bestest friend, rachel n pat. and i got to know gab, who came to attend charis n my cell.
21st yr - gab became a christian n we got attached!!!
22nd yr -
23rd yr - gab n i went to queue for our sengkang flat. we queued for 3 days 3 nights. and finally we became proud owners of our currently 5 rm flat. gab proposed to me on 5th july and we are engaged!!!
24th yr - we both graduated from uni and started work. I found a job in HP and i m very blessed to be in this job.
25th yr - i became a diver!!! roy n su got married in Jan. gab n i got married on 16th Jul.
26th yr - most enjoyable holiday w gab in Florida, 5 days in disney world n universal studios.
27th yr - i conceived Caleb and the rest of the 9 months were days of carrying caleb ard and preparing for his arrival.
28th yr - caleb was borned on 15th apr. ranen was borned on the same day too...
29th yr - I thank God for this 1 year of blessings and watching over me!

it is 1am.. took me more than 1 hr to recall my 30 yrs... happy birthday to me!!!

memories of my childhood

Last night when i was trying to fall asleep, suddenly memories of my childhood flooded my mind. I am quite sure it was not a dream...

I suddenly remember the times when can, lin n I dress up and play jia(3) jia(3) (i think only they will understand what i talking abt), the bedtime stories (this is the end of story... goodnight...), how we share a 40cents waffle ice-cream, and candy like the yam flavour one but lin and i like the chocolate one but we will still share 1 ice-cream. I remember how we pack up our messy room and attempt to keep it very tidy. I even vaguely remember we have some shared funds which we will buy stuff for each other's birthday. I remember how we love to roll around our mattress during cold weather cos the mattress will feel so cold for us to stay in 1 position. I especially missed the nights which we all squeeze together on 1 bed (single bed!!) and talk till it is very late at night (that's explains our eye bags)

I missed those times suddenly. I missed it so much that I started tearing a little.

I really thank God for giving me 2 sisters, so that we can sleep together in 1 room til we are married and we can learn to share clothes and many other stuff and woirk out the conflicts and differences because so many of our things are shared. Nothing really belongs to 1 person because it is in the room shared by 3 persons. I still treasure the times (though very little) when I can have coffee or a meal with my sisters occassionally.

I hope we will have more time for one another. Thank God for both of u can and lin. I wouldnt trade anything in the world for the times we had. Nothing beats having 2 sisters fighting over big and small stuff with me. As we always said, we are all so different, if we were not sisters, maybe we will not even be friends. But God put us together for a good purpose, to mould us and make us what we are today. Love You both!!!!!

shopaholic

I am a shopaholic! I cant stop browsing the online stores and they are having discounts that are too tempting to resist!!! I need to start packing my stuff and so I need to stop buying! STOP!!!!
Seriously, I am going to stop! From today onwards, from this point onwards, no more online shopping!!!

What's next God?

Recents encounters and events made me evaluate my life purpose again. It is like a reminder from God once in a while to realign myself to Him and to make sure I am still walking in His will. (God always send me these reminders every 2 years...)



I have been meeting up with one of my cell members recently. In short, she told me that she cannot go on with her life like that without a purpose. She cannot just come to church every Sunday without knowing the purpose. She wants to know God again. God did not only appeared to her and changed her. God used her as a reminder to me.

Another of my cell member blogged abt his tots before going on a worship seminar. My immediate feelings is "Yes! I want to be like that. I want to have that same feeling like what he had felt" It brought to me a strong longing to be a true worshipper of God. Worshipping Him with my life.



A recent call from Ps Andy also reminded me of my once-upon-a-time passion to serve God full- time. Though I am not sure if it is my calling now, but it did reminded me to check with God again where I should be heading next. His call for me to stay in my workplace 5 years ago may had changed now and I cannot just bury myself in my work everyday and not listen out to God's call. Well, it may not be full-time ministry, it may be some other place that I should be moving to.



Yesterday I visited my grandma who is aged and not too well. She did not have a easy life when my grandfather died at a young age, leaving her with 5 young kids (my youngest uncle was still an infant then). And she was telling us the stories of her "world tour". She had been to Japan, New Zealand, Australia, many parts of China, Taiwan and almost went to South Africa. She said that she was glad she did travel before her health turned bad 2 years ago. Since then, she spent most of her days in bed being angry and unhappy abt life and people in her life. To my grandma, she had probably see travelling and seeing the world a great part of her life and I think, at least she had enjoyed her life. Though I sincerely hope she will become happier til she depart from this world.



40 days of community also give me upteem of opportunities to reflect more of my life since I have to consistently read the book daily for next 40 days. I kept thinking to myself as I read the book. "M I like what the book says I should be? or M I more like what the book say I shouldnt be". "M I living a life God will be pleased or M I not?"



An article was sent to me with this statement. "An average lifespan of man is 78 and woman 82. Minus this from your current age and multiply by 365 days is how many days you have left. And tomorrow is 1 day less..." I have 18980 days left by calculation, but who knows when will God call me back to be with Him. I am not stating this as a pessimistic point of view, rather to come to the simple fact that we cannot think we have all the time in the world. It is urgent! It has to be now!



I have been bombarded with many reminders again and again.

As we grow in God, God poses more challenges in our lives to mould us to be more like Him. He gives us more difficult questions in our lives to help us yearn to Him and think more like Christ. I can feel that the new few days, maybe months will be a wrestling period with God to align myself to God again. His calling VS my priorities and wants.



It is tough to be a true disciple. Yet it is an exciting journey that I want to take on!

Speaking into the life of my child

Candy gave me a book "Prayers and Promises for my Little Boy" on Christmas. It is a great book which shows the different areas I can pray for Caleb. The thing I love about this book is also the verses quoted that show God's promises...

Little Caleb was experiencing separation anxiety around 6 months. While other babies allow people to carry them, Caleb only want me and no one else. Sometimes no even Gabriel. We tried many methods yet it was not successful. He just wanted to stick to me. Rachel consulted some experienced mothers and was told this could last till the age of 2. Well, in my mind, I was thinking of what I can do to help him overcome this. As we chatted, Rachel suggested that we could pray for him more often...

And so I did...

At first, I prayed for God to give me wisdom. To show me methods to help Caleb overcome this separation anxiety. I read books and materials etc etc... and continue praying... One night, as I was praying for Caleb, God reminded me of the prayer book, about speaking God's word into Caleb's lives. As I begin to pray, unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, I started to pray that Caleb's will find security in Christ. That even if we are not around, he will know that we love him, Just as God is unseen but God is always with Him. Caleb's security is not only in daddy and mummy but in Christ! Oh what a prayer...

I thanks God that I do see improvement in Caleb. It will take time but I know only God can change Caleb!!!