Times flies whether you like it or not, children grow up faster than what we expect. Just 2 plus years ago, Caleb was still a helpless baby lying in his cot, not knowing a single word but could only cry for milk and attention. Now, he couldn't stop talking and singing, and could so well verbalize his feelings. As I look at Caleb tonight, I am amazed how much he has grown. I can only thank God for allowing me to see His miracle works in this little life n the joy it brings to a mother's heart to see her child grow up every day. It is most wonderful how Caleb says "I love you, mummy." in his sweetest voice and most sincere look, and I am so so sure that he meant every word of it. Everyday I ask God to remind me to look at him carefully cos I know I will miss a part of his growth when I get too busy with other things for that day. I have an equally mixed feelings about Caleb starting school in 2 days time. Part of me is glad that he is finally going to school, giving me more free time to do my stuff and also to spend more time with Bryan. Yet I know this is the start of lesser time with my darling. I know I am going to miss the times we spend doing art n craft, singing songs, reading books, playing with toys or just snuggling on the sofa watching our favorite cartoons.

And I thank God for the 2nd miracle (Bryan). Bryan is such an easy child and I thank God for that. He is all sunshine and smiley. I am amazed how God could grow the love I had for my children. The love didn't get divided by 2 when I have 2 children but it got multiplied! When I look at Bryan, I felt like I fall in love again just like how it felt with Caleb (even easier this time cos Bryan really looks like Gabriel).

Then I tot of how my mum must have felt when she looked at us. Suddenly I could understand why her sacrifices for us were always unconditional. The extent she is willing to go for us, her children, even when we are already all grown up. As we celebrated her 57th birthday today, I pray that God will continue to bring joy to her heart thru us and thru her grandchildren. Happy Birthday Mummy!!!

I was updating my resume today and was almost convicted that I should find a job and work for at least 1 to 2 years before I stay at home for good when Caleb start P-school. But after seeing how much Caleb is missing Gab after he started work, I couldn't bear to leave him as well. Caleb has this immersed joy when daddy is home early today (not that early, around 7pm). He just want to be Gabriel all the time.

Over the past few weeks, I am constantly in dilemma on the decision of working or not. My concern is always towards Caleb and Bryan. What will happen once I start working? That's a question I couldn't answer at this point of time. I know for sure Caleb and Bryan will have less of mummy's time and what kind of impact will that bring to them? Is granny's attention enough in replacement of mine for the time being?

Even though staying at home these few days with my mum makes me feel that I should go work to reduce redundancy at home. And especially so once Caleb goes to school in Feb, and it will be just Bryan being looked after by me and my mum. It makes me feel that I should find a job till Bryan needs more of my attention or when Caleb start Pri school. But I have lots of struggle within me of the much reduced time I will have at home. And what if my job demands more that 8 to 5.

God, pls show me the best way and the best decision. Lead me to the right way!

Strangely familiar feeling...

This is the 3rd week since we returned to singapore, our home. Even though we are not exactly in our own home as we are staying with my mum. The feeling to be home was great at first. I was so excited to see my dearest family n friends at the airport. It seemed like yesterday when they just sent us off to our 1 yr hol and then we are back at the same place again. Really, the feeling is like the last 1yr didn't actually existed. The time paused at Singapore Changi Airport where we left on 21st dec 2009 and continued on 22nd dec 2010. Maybe because in that 1 yr, we led an extremely different life, out of our norm, too enjoyable that it didn't feel real.

Though far away from family, I must say I had an enjoyable 2010. We had many adventures, made many new friends, created lots of wonderful memories. Family time was most fulfilling during that time when Gab gets to be home by late afternoon and had most of his weekends starting on Thurs. By n by, we had friends, family who drop by Monterey and visited us. I really wished that I had written down every individual holiday and the interesting places we had visited if I had the time. But time is always short when we are enjoying so I guess I could only summarize the places we had visited.

Thanks to my Monterey friends who had made my 2010 so beautiful. I enjoyed the Lake Tahoe, San Diego trip w u. I will also miss the "kampong style" dinner we had so frequently, the band hero and dvd nites. Of course my shopping kakis, I will remember the weekly outing to Target, Marshals, Ross, Kohls, Macys & Loft. Thanks for helping me when I am preggy so that I can continue shopping with u. It is a rare chance to make such good friends in 1 yr and I treasure the friendship we had. Thanks to my BCI friends, we are truly blessed by all of you. You had showed us what servant leaders are. Pastor Bryce & Pastor Donna, we are so blessed by both of you.

Now that I am back home, I am still trying to piece everything back. The feeling to be back is strangely familiar yet quite unknown. I guess I just got to get back into the momentum of living in a small crowded city. I am home.